The Poison of Comparison

Hello all!

Here I am again blogging…

This blog entry will definitely get you thinking!

Low self esteem, self-hatred, self-pity, insecurity… I don’t like them and neither should you.

The above issues arise from a number of sources but I’m going to focus on one in particular in this piece – comparing ourselves to others.

Have you ever found yourself feeling lousy because you don’t have the right image or you think others are better than you? I’ll be touching on these issues below so read on.


I’m writing about this topic because I was recently on a panel for the Great Debate Tour 2012 and the topic of “self -image” arose. It was quite a touchy subject and sparked a heated debate! I expressed that it is not necessarily a problem when people spend LOTS of money on false hair and makeup. The problem arises when people feel UGLY and LACK CONFIDENCE without their fakery.

I’m amazed at the number of people who say to me that they cannot go to the local shop without make up on! One of my theories is that we are consciously or subconsciously comparing ourselves to what the media tells us is beautiful. At the time of writing the “Kim Kardashian look” is all the rage – thick long hair and long lashes. This looks amazing on Kim because this is her look, but it doesn’t suit EVERYONE! Is it really worth spending hundreds or even thousands of pounds a year to maintain this look? In my view a person is not any less beautiful because they have short hair and short lashes. We all look different for a reason. #JustSaying.

I think people should embrace their uniqueness and make it work for them.  Take me for example, I have dark skin, long eye lashes and a cheeky grin.  I am wearing little make up and my look is not inspired by a celebrity, it’s inspired by my features!


I really don’t like insecurity. Insecurity gives birth to jealousy, rivalry and causes people to always want what others have. I remember when I was in year 6 and I always used to compete with people in my class to get the best grade. It was tiring keeping my eye on what everyone else was doing and I was drained after getting upset when others did better than I did.

Towards the end of year 6 I decided to stop competing and to just do my best. It turned out that I did a lot better when I focused my energy on what I was doing, rather than worrying about beating others.

I think there is a lesson in this story for us all- let’s stop comparing ourselves to others and BE OURSELVES! The truth is, someone will always be better than you at something, therefore it’s better to do your best and be happy with it.

Insecurity is a silent killer and I think it causes people to miss out on great relationships. I remember there being a girl in my class I could not stand because she thought she was the business. Years later she became my best friend and has been for the past 12 years! I can’t imagine my life without her and she really is the business!

So, next time you notice yourself experiencing jealousy, rivalry or wanting what others have, STOP IT, and think about why you feel that way.

My question to you is, do you compare yourself to others? If the answer is “yes”, then please don’t because you are meant to be different- different is good. You were born an original, please don’t die a copy.

Until next time.

Crystal Debrah


Author: Crystal Debrah

I empower young adults to transition successfully from school to the real world. WHY? It's needed! Just remember what it was like for you. HOW? Through inspirational self-help books , story telling and impactful workshops, seminars and conferences. WHO AM I: I'm the person who sees a need and creates a practical solution to solve it. I'm the first one in my family to have gone to university and found the "school to university" transition tough. I did terribly in my first year. Yet through asking questions, learning the ropes and pure determination I went from a 3rd class degree to a 2:1. This inspired my first award winning book, "What They Don't Tell You about University", (which got published when I was at Law School). The sequel, "What They Don't Tell You When You Graduate" followed and is packed with crucial advice for the new graduate! I've given advice to the masses through The Telegraph, BBC radio and London Live. My speaking engagements range from educational institutions to corporates to government departments. Book me: Join our community:

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