Here I am again, blogging.
Please allow me to rant today. I have a real problem with how fear can rob us of what we deserve. It causes us to regret what we never did and helps us to come up with one thousand reasons why we shouldn’t do something. I absolutely hate it.
I’m taking a stand against fear. The kind of fear that holds us back and robs us of what is ours.
Although we can’t change the past and some opportunities have passed us by, we can change our attitudes about fear today.
Last month I underwent an oral exam where I was being tested on my knowledge of the law, my advocacy skills, my ability to retain large amounts of information and my ability to think on my feet when under pressure. It was not easy at all. In fact, when first informed by my high achieving boss that she believed I was ready to take this exam just months into my training contract I really didn’t think I could do it. Fear took over.
At this point all I could think about was the fear of failing and felt it was too early to do the exam. I started to think that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, polished enough. Do you see that – fear was trying to rob me of my confidence in my ability.
As time went on I started to get stress headaches, started panicking and even considered postponing the exam because I was so fearful of failing and looking like a fool.
This was getting ridiculous and I couldn’t take the pressure so I made a deal with myself. I said, “ok Crystal, let’s focus on what’s important here- doing your best. You’re an advocate, you’ve read all you can read and done all you can do. Just do the exam and expect a pass.” I was essentially ignoring fear.
Just when I thought everything was fine, fear decided to pay me another visit. When I arrived at the examination destination early I was asked to wait and was told I’d be collected from the seating area in a few minutes to read a case study. I waited and waited and waited and wasn’t given my case study. I went to investigate and was given the case study and began reading it.
A few minutes later I was approached by an examiner asking me to go in for the oral exam. But I hadn’t finished reading the case study because I wasn’t given my case study on time. There was no way I could do my oral exam without reading the whole case study! Boy, was I feeling the pressure now.
I boldly explained what had happened to the examiner and hoped I’d be given the extra time. I was given a little more time thank The Lord! Then another spanner was thrown into the works, I had to do a multiple choice questionnaire too, whilst remembering the facts of the case study I had to rush through. It was crazy.
Somehow, I managed to keep my cool and get through all of the differing parts of the exam.
Two weeks later, I received a call confirming I had passed!!!!!!
I learned a very valuable lesson. Had fear had its way I would have messed up and delayed my progress. I had to face the fear and do it anyway.
I learned that you can do a lot more than you think you are capable of and fear does its best to rob you of what is rightfully yours. I’m now a fully qualified advocate in my field and have gained an understanding of just how much I can handle.
Next time I’m faced with a frightening situation which is getting in the way of my progress I will remember this experience and press on. Fear, I won’t let you rob me!
Until next time.
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